she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
