Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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