im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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