I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
