if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My vagina just recognized that song.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
