He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
