Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
