so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
