you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
