Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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