dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
