dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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