I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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