six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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