Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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