Pants 0. Shit 1.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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