Ambien. No doubt about it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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