note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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