i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
