I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
