They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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