the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
