All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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