I smell stomach acid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
