and next time when you feel me up, do it right
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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