Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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