GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have already put on my inside pants.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
