Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
