You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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