I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We named our party play list daddy issues
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
