You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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