There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
