she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
