I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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