I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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