I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
