I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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