Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
