I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Can I color on your dick again?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
