She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
