Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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