So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
