I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
