you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
