Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
