piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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