sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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