She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
