He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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