Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
