Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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