THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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