My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize