You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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