im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
