I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
