You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
