We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
