Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
