i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
