it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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