Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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