so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
