His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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