you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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