you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
