I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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