Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This house was built for laser tag.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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