I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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